new xanga.

xXem0gangstaXx

Go to it bitches. And subscribe. Because I dont think I'll be here anymore. because I'm too gangsta for this. And too emo for it too. woot.

<3 Me

UGH I swear, my life...ugh...lol.

anyways to begin. About yesterday! So yeah we go to DMV at 9:50 for my appointment. And we get up to the counter and she processes all the info and stuff, and then we realized WE DIDNT HAVE ANY MONEY WITH US AND THEY DIDNT TAKE MY MOMS ATM CARD. So I was like dammit thats fucked then. And then my mom tried to pay with quarters! QUARTERS!! (because she had like 15 dollars in bills and that was all and thought maybe she had 10 in quarters.)And then the lady said there was a savemart around the corner with an atm, and that we could go there and get some money and if we were back by 10:40 she'd squeeze us in between people. So what happens? we go to find it and my brother is throwing a fit and being a jackass, and so my mom was all nervous and accidentally drove in the completely different direction (because she is NOT familiar with downtown modesto AT ALL). And so we wound up in CERES. And couldnt find our way home until like 12. And so we go home and we call the DMV and they said I could go back. And so we went back, and what happens? I was so stressed I second guessed every answer I really did know and I fail. So that was fucked. And I felt really dumb. But I'm going back next friday. And I hope that it will be a normal uneventful trip so that I dont get distracted and stressed out.

Then that night I got time with my Frank. He came over and we watched movies while sitting on my couch. And my brother came in and basicly sat on my lap and put his arm around me, and grabbed Franks hand. and that was hillarious, or at least to me. Well it was funny the first time anyway. The second I wanted to sock him, but anyone who knows my brother will know how he is and so I didnt. Until he was leaving us alone for a while and then decided to put his hand on my butt so I'd think Frank was trying to touch me inapropriately in my house where anyone could see. So I socked him. And it was kinda accidentally in his balls. WHOOPS. seriously it was an accident though. I just started swinging.

Then today I went to the movies with Frank. And we had nachos, and I stepped in them when I was done with them and put them on the ground. Real fun stuff there! and then he left me for Patrick. What's he got that I dont? actually nevermind I really dont want to know. And I'm kind of depressed because I did something stupid and now I feel sad.

But anyways, that is my glorious life.

yay, spring break.

yay, permit tomorrow.

yay finally getting off my ass to do something that will prove useful for me in the future.

booooo still prevailing sadness.

Oh dear.

I seem to have messed up on two counts of things I never do anymore.

whoops.

I just needed to remind myself I am alive.

Why cant I make this feeling go away this time? All I do is bitch and complain. Maybe I should shut up. And keep everything to myself, no one wants to hear this anyway and you cant fucking deny it.

My problem is I think too much. Seriously. I can just be sitting there and all these thoughts, all these things that have bothered me in the past, all come back to kill me. And then I create new problems in my head that arent even existing because I should have a good life. I have some good friends for once, I have a boyfriend who actually loves me and wouldnt turn into the stupidest fucker alive if we ever broke up permanently (like Angus), claiming that I am the bitch who does things wrong when I never have. But I'm still rarely happy. Why cant I be happy? Is there nothing for me? and isnt it selfish to want something for me?

Unless youre in the mood for me to bite your head off, I recomend staying away from me today. And unless youre in the mood to watch me be unhappy, I also recommend staying away from me.

God...the craving for something I refuse to drink is back hardcore again.

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